Sinful Thoughts

I recall being a young Christian and sitting in church, when all of a sudden, I'd have these intrusive sinful thoughts. Come to think of it, I had these thoughts even as an older Christian. I remember contemplating why I never seemed to be able to get rid of them. I even recall quoting scripture to take every thought captive. I was good at getting on my knees and confessing to God all my sins every day. I strove to humble myself so as to please the All Mighty and be a good Christian.

Battling sin is such a big part of the Christian life in which almost every sermon I ever heard mentioned this in one form or another. Even though we are saved by grace, sin abounds continually in the Christain life. The Apostle Paul even wrote about how he continued to sin, and toward the end of his life, he called himself chief among sinners.

Is this really good, to think of yourself as a sinner saved by grace? Is it helpful to constantly flog yourself over your failure to be a pure and holy believer? I can answer only for me. Since I deconverted for good two years ago, I don't have intrusive thoughts, I don't worry about being something I am not and I don't feel like such a failure in need of a good confession and deliverance to feel better. I also don't see every negative thing in my life as some form of punishment from God or a life lesson to teach me how much I need His grace to succeed.

I actually feel free to love my nieghbor, or not. I feel free to be myself without fear of screwing up, because when I do screw up I have to answer to myself and not a quiet, invisable god. My own conscience and/or my family, friends and coworkers are pretty good mirrors of my actions. I can no longer hide behind my religion or use my prayerful confession as a defense against changing. Not that I did that much when I was a Christian, hide behind my religion or confession. I've just heard other Chrisitians use this way too many times as an excuse not to go and make amends for their wrongs.

To be sure, I am much more content then I ever was as a Christian. I've also found that not focusing on your sinful failings means you have that much more energy to focus on the helpful things in your life. Life also makes a lot more sense to me when morals are based on reason rather then bronze age writings that include far too many accounts of genocide, rape and irrationality in obiedence to God's will. I am no longer plagued by sinful thoughts, or the need to constantly humble myself, and guess what? I am still the same loving, forgetful, everlearning and thoughtful person I always was. I just feel a whole lot better and freer then I ever was trying to rest in the supposed grace of God.

Sincerely,

Bill

P.S. Sin is a theological term. You can't find it anywhere else except in religious writings. Meaning, in my opinion, sin is a term ancient man used to describe why things are not perfect, or why imperfect people needed dead animal blood to appease their god. Jesus became the dead animal blood that covers all believers. His mystical blood is the atonement until God gives them a perfect mind and body. I guess this means that dead Christians will live forever and never have a sinful thought again. I'm much happier not having them now.